ik ben erg bezig met hebben // niet hebben levenspartner / vriend Ruth
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I still wonder, what is it that makes me need intimacy with one person ?
Maybe if I were living in a clan, with few other persons with whom I'd have n intense intimate relation - I would not need it from one specifc man ... would have saved me so much head ache .... how do u do this ? Don't u find it a pitty that no one of u'r ladies can share all u'r different spects ? I know I manage to extract the worse traits out of my partners.
Every thing can be given up, but I refuse. I miss him so much - while I know there Is no him; only a shadow of possibilities. Can u pls phone me, would u pls come & visit; the sky & earth I can give u. As it ends I write him, dayily, hourly.
Help me disappear, help me leave u, help me survive leaving u. I repport every two hours - this is how I feel, this is what I'm doing. I don't miss u, I miss u. Pls don't let me leave, hold me, help me stay. With u, for u, forever. Nothing is new; I did not want to end this; I never do. Not this time, not the times before. I always return and beg for mercy - Please, Please, Please help me be with you. I need You, I need whom you made me be, I need US. Returning, in vain, blinded, knowing, seeing clearly as never before, crying, yelling, tearing, scratching, my own skin: Please, please PLEASE - help me stay with you, the way you want me to be, the way you need us to be. Hold me, take care of me, u know I cant take care of me, take care of us. Please |
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